memoir writing, fiction writing, storytelling, writers, PDX, Portland Oregon 1970s, D Street Corral
Mama Told Me Not To Come
Yesterday, while writing in a coffee shop, a stranger decided to join me. Despite my suggestive glance at the room full of unoccupied tables, she plopped down at mine. “You’re a writer,” she said. And then she proceeded to interview me about the who, what, when, and where that inspired my newly completed (not yet published) novel…. I got over my annoyance and had an interesting conversation, which ultimately inspired this blog post and future posts. I explained to my curious new friend ….
In 1970s, Portland, Oregon, when stagflation met disco-mania, Portlanders seeking liberation from urban blight, lights out orders, and ambushed pipe dreams turned to sexploitation. Mary’s Club, which features prominently in my newly completed novel, and other strip joints packed in customers. X-rated theaters and bookstores of the ADULT sort exploded around the city.
It was a boom era fueled by relaxed obscenity regulations that led to porn palaces and live performances that ruled the neon landscape. Ultimately, The Oregonian Newspaper, where my grandfather worked, named Portland “the pornography capital of the West Coast.”
Religious cults, Vietnam protesters, and abortion rights activists heralded signs on every street.
The day before my fifteenth birthday, Grandpa pulled me aside at the Oregonian. “A lot of things aren’t making it into the paper,” he said in a solemn tone. “We got crooked cops, racketeers, editors on the take,” he whispered. “Pretty girls like you are in danger.”
He explained in one wide-ranging account how girls my age were easy prey, often collateral damage in a metropolis run by the mob. And how Portland’s corrupt politicians had earned a new moniker for The City of Roses; the vice capital of the northwest. Police corruption extended further than pacifying Teamsters on the docks; it was citywide. The thriving narcotics trade enticed officers to look the other way while their palms were greased and young girls vanished from the streets.
Grandpa never spoke to me about such shocking (to my naive sensibilities) issues. So, I listened.
Planted deep within grandpa’s warning that day were the seeds of my novel, Beyond This Wicked Realm to follow some fifty years later. For which I am seeking representation.
Grandpa made sure I had a bus pass, a library card, and books; the classics on which he expected a verbal book report. In his way, he was making sure his teenage granddaughter was too busy to go looking for trouble. Nonetheless, trouble was around every corner looking for her.
After school, a couple of days a week I worked for my dad in downtown Portland, just a few blocks from the Oregonian. I rode the bus into the city past businesses with handwritten signs in dark windows (victims of the governor’s lights-out orders), gas stations with NO GAS signs at the curb, hippies sleeping on park benches, and the yeasty smell of the Henry Weinhard Brewery that permeated everything. I leaned my head against the bus window and studied the girls walking up and down Broadway and Burnside. Some were my age, even younger; black fishnet stockings, black raccoon eyes, and faux fur cropped sweaters, sashaying down the streets, unsteady on their platform shoes. At ten in the morning, they already looked like they had been out partying and drinking all night. Maybe they had. I didn’t know. My grandma called them the lost girls. All I knew was that I never wanted to get lost.
One day when I got off the bus, as I hurried through a group of shouting Vietnam War protestors, a man grabbed me. He had an Afro the size of a beach ball, wore a long black leather coat, and dark glasses. He towered over me. At first, I thought he was one of the Black Panthers, though they normally weren’t in that part of the city. I was terrified. I didn’t speak.
Then he let go of my arm and said, “Hey foxy mama, you a stone fox.” He looked me up and down.
My eyes burned with tears, but I stood paralyzed.
“We could make some moolah,” he said, rubbing his fingers together.
But then, a woman who looked to be my mom’s age slammed his head with her protest sign and shouted, “PIMP! Leave that child alone.” When she did that, a group of protesters ran over to us, shouting, “Police … PIMP!”
That woman turned to me and said, “Honey, you should run now.”
Like Forest Gump, I bolted and ran all the way from 3rd and Washington to 11th, without looking back or stopping for traffic. People honked and shouted, but I didn’t care. I ran to the safety of my dad’s shoe repair shop on 11th. I never told Dad why I was out of breath and crying that day. He gave me a cup of tea and suggested I go read my book in the back of the shop for a while. He no doubt figured it was ‘that time of the month.’ It wasn’t.
It was the first time I was ‘approached’ by a pimp, but it wouldn’t be the last. They were on every corner trying to recruit girls for strip clubs, and worse, much worse. One day, when I left the Multnomah Library on 10th street, carrying my homework books, a man in a black car at the curb offered me three hundred dollars––in today’s money that’s over $2000.00–– to dance in a cage that would be hanging from a ceiling in a local nightclub. I backed away, turned, and ran like that protestor woman told me to do. I wasn’t going to freeze and cry again. I ran.
Being a teenage girl in 1970s Portland was like being a gazelle pursued on an open tundra to the soundtrack of Three Dog Night’s, Mama Told Me (Not to Come). I learned to run, hide, seek shelter, and NEVER talk to men in parked cars at the curb.
I had a few safe havens, good people around me, shelter, and some good sense handed to me by my family. I survived, but many didn’t.
I wrote this novel for them, the lost girls, those who didn’t make it out and those who did make it through the darkness to the other side.
This is the environment for my current novel, titled Beyond This Wicked Realm–In 1973, four women—a Holocaust survivor, a mobster’s daughter, a drug dealer’s abused girlfriend, and a lady-scholar turned drifter—form an unlikely sisterhood in a fight for survival against Portland’s illicit porn and drug trades.
That highlights some of the backdrop for my novel. In an upcoming post I will share my characters, women I’ve grown to love, mentors I wish I’d had, and lost girls I knew.
Autumn Poem
I’ve just returned from our annual trek to Cannon Beach, Oregon. While there, I pondered Autumn and all the many spiritual and physical meanings and consequences of the season.
‘Autumn’ was the monthly prompt from our Edmond’s poetry group leader, author, Gerald Bigelow. I wrote several poems sitting on my deck overlooking Haystack Rock. I love to write #poetry while on vacation. It gives my brain a break from novel #writing and the relentless search for an agent.
I’ll share this short one with you, shockingly titled Autumn.
Autumn
Thoughts
Traverse
Beachy memories
Lost to long days
––now shortened
In search of a warm hearth ablaze
To reminisce on sun-splashed
Nostalgias
––lingering
Only to melt against life’s bonfire
Of lost days.
Autumn leaves above my head
Turn
Swirl
Soar
On the wind
And fall like summer memories
To their final feathery bed.
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A Tragedy Inspired Poem
Recently, one of my poems was published in The Edmonds Beacon newspaper. The poem was inspired by a tragic car accident I witnessed several years ago. A scene that etched into my memory.
That’s how it often happens for us writers, something––a face, a scarf, a doorway, or an incident––imprints on our psyche and ultimately, we use it in a piece of work. Here is the poem that resulted from that tragic afternoon, followed by a brief epilogue.
SEPTEMBER MOON
Beneath the September moon
A flicker of weak light
The faint memory of her mothering years––lost
Unraveled
Tiny strings frayed
Scattered
Across the fallow fields of her life.
Alone in the darkness she feels
Loosely tethered to both worlds
One where she still sees her children
Hears them sing
The other where she floats endlessly in the hollow silence of night
Linked to them by one last ethereal string.
She closes her eyes
Afraid to see, to hear, to know,
What happened
––in her wine-colored afterglow.
Beneath a September moon
Reminders––
Buried deep
Lost in her spirit
The solitary tills of time
Of heart
And soul
Barren of love, barren of life
––and she knows
The piercing betrayal of one more glass of wine.
She now imagines her children as dormant butterflies
Who will not awaken any time soon
Their innocent lives arrested by
Mommy’s cocktails at noon.
Beneath fading lunations
She hears their cries
Her sweet butterflies
And she knows
Therein is her penance
Her dark destiny
––a life sentence
To carry aural witness of their final cries
To her spiritual wasteland
Filled with echoes of a mother’s bittersweet lies.
Tiny fingertips, like frayed strings
Once adored
Now, grasping
Reaching
Weakening
Tearing away from the cord.
Epilogue
This was a tragedy about a mother who attended a wine tasting luncheon, tasted too much wine, and then decided to pick up her two toddlers from daycare.
I was three cars behind her on the road when suddenly her car veered over the side of the road and crashed into a tree. We all slammed on our brakes. There was an officer parked in the parking lot not ten feet away. We all ran toward the car, but he arrived first and motioned for us all to stand back.
He pulled the mother from the front seat. Her head was gashed, blood dripping into her eyes, all over her hands, and was sprayed against her white silk blouse like blood on snow.
Her piercing screams horrified us all. She kept screaming and crying hysterically. “I’ve killed my babies!”
The five or six of us who’d leapt from our cars to help stood frozen. Collective dread filled all our faces. Approaching sirens echoed in the background.
The officer got her seated at the curb while the rest of us, me included, finally inched up to the car, fearful of what we might see in the back seat.
Her screams grew more hysterical. “I’ve killed my babies! … Oh God, I‘ve killed them.”
But as we all leaned down and trepidatiously peered into the windows, we were surprised by what we saw.
There in the back seat, staring at us, were two small children, safely buckled into car seats, looking at us like we were aliens.
They were fine. Afraid, but otherwise fine.
The mother was arrested for drunk driving and endangering her children, who again, I stress, were unharmed.
I learned later in the newspaper that her husband divorced her, and she lost custody and all visitation of her children. It was her third drunk driving incident, so she also went to prison for a time.
Perhaps her drunken terror that awful day was a mournful premonition. She did, after all, lose her children.
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Transcending—Art into Poetry
During a recent workshop with the poet Susan Rich, on Ekphrastic poetry––which is poetry that explores art––at La Conner’s gallery/museum, MoNA, I became entranced with a painting, which I’ll share in a minute. Susan inspired us to find a painting or piece of art in the gallery, and using a rhetorical device known as ekphrasis, engage with the painting, drawing, sculpture, or other mode of visual art.
The term ekphrastic (also spelled ecphrastic) originates from a Greek expression for description. The earliest ekphrastic poems were vivid accounts of real or imagined scenes when writers in ancient Greece aspired to transform the visual into the verbal. Later poets pushed beyond depiction to reflect on deeper meanings. Today, the word ekphrastic can refer to any literary response to a non-literary work.
The painting that grabbed my attention and heart was The Longhouse by Helmi Juvonen, a gift from Wesley Wehr.
Helmi Dagmar Juvonen (January 17, 1903 – October 17, 1985) was born to Finnish immigrants (Helmi is Finnish for Pearl) and became an American artist associated with the artists of the Northwest School, and was active in the Seattle, Washington area.
She attended Queen Anne High School, and after graduating, worked various art and design-related jobs while studying illustration, portraiture, and life drawing with private teachers. In 1929 she received a scholarship to Cornish College of the Arts, where she studied illustration with Walter Reese, puppetry with Richard Odlin, and lithography with Emilio Amero. You can read more about her illustrious career here.
Sadly, Helmi was diagnosed with schizophrenia (manic-depression), and was committed to a mental institution in Elma, Washington, where she spent the final 26 years of her life. There, she was visited by artists and supporters, who facilitated wide recognition for her work, during her lifetime through many art museum exhibitions.
Helmi transcended boundaries
Native American culture cultivated Helmi’s creative spirit and empowered her to transcend the boundaries of ordinary life, poverty, and decades in a mental asylum. Her interest in identifying the origins of human culture, especially as it addressed the dichotomies of good and evil, led her to investigate these themes in diverse spiritual traditions – Judeo-Christian, Tibetan Buddhism, and the Baha’i faith.
And in the painting that captured me so completely, I sensed something beyond the brokenness of the exterior. Combined with my (limited) knowledge of native folklore from the Oregon Coast––gleaned while researching my novel Return To Sender––and reading a bit about the Lummi Nation (Pacific Northwest myths, I wrote the essence of what I felt and saw in this piece of art.
My poem from that day, which is also published on the MoNA website, is titled, Dancing with the Dead. Please visit MoNA’s site and explore all the poems produced that day. I have a 2nd poem on their site titled, Shadow Dance.
Dancing with the Dead
By Mindy Meyers-Halleck
Her house is ill,
they said.
Unhinged shutters,
band aids on the roof,
boards as exposed as skeleton bones,
a crooked door that’s lost its will,
and a roofline of sagging skin.
Her house is ill,
and it allows no one out,
and no one in.
The native peoples
said of their treasured mad woman
with skin white as pearl
that she is
broken in the head.
––but, that sacred wound,
They said,
allows darkness to seep in.
And in those spirit-filled shadows
she dances with the dead.
It took her a lifetime,
to embrace the brokenness in her head––
––her dark shadow sister who never saw the sun––
A sister coiled in nocturnal corners, dreaming of
wolves, trees, and danger
she was never able to outrun.
The trees that surround her house are
not quite alive
not quite dead,
they haunt the yard
––redolent with tears and blood of the fallen
sister who never saw the sun.
She is broken in the head,
they said.
In those mist shrouded trees
she sees
The Keeper of Drowned Souls.
His green long-fingered hand,
spindly as spider legs,
beckons her to follow
deep, deeper into the hollow.
The Keeper of Drowned Souls exists
transitory between the human world and the phantom world
he tells her,
her dark sister who coils like the snake
inside her house,
is condemned to endless hunger, agony, wandering and sin.
Because her house is ill,
it allows no one out,
yet he wants in.
She is broken in the head,
they said.
She observes ethereal phantoms,
and dances with the dead.
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